NEW ARRIVAL

On February1 we got the news of an addition to the family - the birth of a baby girl in Seattle, to my grand-children Sankar and Jaisri, a sister to Nino. It was this wonderful news for which we in Chennai were waiting with bated breath. Thanks to the modern-day facilities we were getting an on-the-spot running commentary which made us feel we were also in the same frame. Not only that, within an hour of the baby’s arrival we got a picture of the newborn and we did not have to wait long to see the baby on the web cam. The baby was born in Seattle and it was Sankar who was with Jaisri throughout the ordeal, and the first person to see and handle the baby. 

Things were different and in many cases still are different in India so far as I know. Today’s children will not believe that Babuji (my husband) saw our first born when the baby was six months old. Twenty years later too it was not very different. Our eldest son-in-law also belonged to the same category. The reason was very simple. Amongst our people in South India expecting mothers were always taken to their parents’ place for the confinement period - that is the time of delivery and for some days of rest after childbirth. After three months the mother and child, went to her in-laws place for a month or so, after which only she joined her husband wherever he worked. 

In the early part of the twentieth century customs and rules were different from my time. In those days men did not venture out so far from their hometown in search of jobs. Traditions and religious rites made it easier for the father also to see and take the baby in his arms as early as the twelfth day itself: it was on the twelfth day the baby had the naming ceremony, which used to be celebrated with a pooja and some religious rites done by the father. Traditions and customs were made pliable to suit the modern life style, the naming ceremony and annaprasanam (feeding the baby solid food for the first time, a ceremony usually conducted when the baby is six months old) have become a part of the first birthday celebration.

In those days unlike today it was not even thinkable that a man could enter the delivery room leave alone be there to see the baby born. In most families, the delivery was at home with the help of a midwife. An elderly, much-experienced grandmother or an aunt would be there to act the part of the nurse, to comfort the to-be-mother and hold her hand and wipe her brows. No one else was to enter the delivery room, not only at the time of the delivery but for the next ten days -- maybe to protect the newborn baby and the mother from infection of any kind.

As lifestyle changes our ideas and notions also change. Our mindset is ready to accept new ideas as well as changing norms. Today, for a father-to-be, it is a matter of one’s own choice whether to be with his wife during childbirth.

Thirty years back when my son and daughter-in-law were expecting their first child neither of the mothers from India was in a position to go to Chicago to be of any help to them. It was my son who was with his wife to give her all the support and solace she needed during the delivery. Not only that, he managed to cook the meals, do the housework and take care of the baby, like giving the baby his daily oil bath (following our family tradition, prepare his food and changing nappies, since the mother was a little apprehensive to handle the small baby for the first few days. All this he managed to do while attending to his office work too. The plus point was he was running his own business.

In India too this system has caught on and many men of today are proud to take care of their newborn babies. I wish more and more men in India too start this habit of being with their wives during the birth of their children so that they could know what the womenfolk go through and not treat childbirth as a routine job!! 

Following the system in some other countries, the Japanese government has introduced paternity leave of two months. I remember having read in the papers that the Japanese prime minister was the first one to avail himself of this new rule!! 

I do admire such men.

A SCHOOL REUNION... and One That Did Not Happen

It was wonderful meeting some friends of Sankar (my grandson) whom I have not seen for a long time. Some others I was meeting for the first time - like Ramya and Sarada. All of them who came home were ever willing to sit by me and chat with me.  I was totally touched by their affection towards an old person. All these children (yes, they are children to me though they are in their early forties) had come from far and wide to Chennai in the last week of December ­­ with a special purpose -- they were the  batch of students who had passed out of Vidya Mandir in 1985 to have a reunion and make their bond with the school further stronger.

 This took me back to my schooldays and classmates — I have not seen any of them after I got married and went to Delhi in 1945. I wonder sometimes where they would be and whether they are alive or…

 I was the youngest in my class and because of that I had to produce a medical certificate so that I could sit for the public exam that year. I said I had not seen anyone of them,that is right. But I do remember their names and their faces and the good times, and sometimes the not so good times, I had with them. We were together for nine years and as I look back I feel it was a wonderful period of my life.

Susan Grace Varkey and Thresiamma were the most beautiful of them and I greatly admired Susan not only for her beauty but also for her kind and friendly nature. We worked together as president and secretary of the Hindi cultural society in the final year of our Plus Two years, known as Intermediate or F.A. (Faculty of Arts)and became close friends. Other names I recall are Parvati Ammal, Kamalambal, Karthiyanani, Saramma Varghese, Ruth Ommen. Mary Jacob, Madhavi, Anna Ipe, Mary M.George, Kanthimathi, Aruna, Ratna Amma, Lily, Kasturi, Daisy James who was very good in sports and  Swarnamma. I know for certain that she is no more.

Well, I can easily fill this page with all the names I remember. We were the last batch of students to pass out of The Maharaja’s School for girls in Palayam,  Thiruvananthapuram  in 1942. That school  building was annexed to the College of Science at the end of that academic year and that was the end of our school!!

We did our F.A. in the College for Women in Thycaud. I am putting all this down so that if anybody reading this remembers her school and college days will also remember me. I hope it is not a vain thought. My name in the school and College registers  was L. Lalithambal. May I make a request to the children/grandchildren of the above mentioned classmates of mine, who read this page to contact me so that I could gather some news about them. It is a fact that as one grows old, one’s thoughts do go back to one’s younger days

The generations that followed mine were smarter and luckier. They (including my own children) I am happy to say, are in touch with not only their school and college friends but also with their teachers in school as well as in college. The world has become smaller and closer with all the modern  amenities -- by pressing one button you reach anyone you want in any corner of the earth.

What made me so sad was something that happened in September. In the  second or third week of that month  there was an obituary notice in The Hindu about the death of one Dr Susan Mathews along with her photo, address and phone number, also saying she was originally from Thiruvananthapuram. That set a bell ringing somewhere in my memory. Could this be my old, old friend Susan?

 I was in two minds whether to call and talk to her people or not. After debating for a day with myself I dialled the number and talked to Meera who introduced herself as Susan’s daughter-in-law.  Talking with Meera confirmed what I was thinking, yes, this was the same Susan -- my one-time friend and classmate!! What a way to find out!

 Now what is the use? It is too late. What made me real sad was the fact that Susan was living  just a kilometre away from where I stay. If only I had known earlier it could have been a wonderful reunion of old timers!

MY SINGAPORE DAYS

What prompted me today to write about my days in Singapore, after nearly 15 years, is one mail I got from Helen Tan whom I got to know as my son’s friend. Yes, she was introduced to me as Raja’s friend and colleague.  

Helen and her husband

Veronica

A very pleasant attractive lady with a smiling face, I liked her very much from the very beginning. She was always the first to wish me on my birthday - even today she is the first - ever since we knew each other. While I was in Singapore I usually got a bouquet of flowers with a beautiful gift signed Helen and Veronica - another colleague and friend of my son. Even after fifteen years of my leaving Singapore we exchange greetings on birthdays regularly, and mail one another once in a while. Six years back on my way back to Madras from U.S. with Raji and Muthu we made a halt at Singapore. Helen came over to meet me and took me out to dinner. Helen’s husband and Veronica joined us and it was an unforgettable evening for me.

At Saint John's Island - the singapore skyline can be seen from here.

      Raja started working in Singapore soon after my husband’s death. Once he got settled I too joined him and was with him for a major part of his stay there. This transfer of place and lifestyle was an antidote for me. Everything was new to me. I was fascinated by the people, their life style, the very clean roads, the shopping centres, the food courts - well, by everything I saw. I was shown around the whole city in the first few weeks by Raja, -  the Bird park, the zoo, the Botanical Gardens  Sentosa Island, Saint John’s Island where I got a chance to get near the waves and paddle for some time,  Teka Market on Serangoon Road,  and the British Council library. 

I was also tutored to travel by bus and taxis by Raja. Once he was satisfied that I was well-tutored and knew the ropes well, the running of the house was entirely left in my hands with enough cash, a Bus pass and the British Council cards.  He also provided me with walking shoes and a track suit. He encouraged me to wear them and go for walks.

For the first few days I was very self conscious wearing the pants and tops. Here I must add that I wore only sarees ever since I was fourteen years old. I felt odd and unsure of myself for the first few days. Gradually I got used to that outfit and the morning walks were something I started looking forward to. On my way back home after the walk I did the shopping for our daily needs like milk bread and vegetables. This shop was run by a Chinese couple. They did know a little bit of English, but I was a zero in Chinese, still we were able to communicate with each other. Raja was in Singapore two months ago. He told me that he dropped into the same shop as he was passing by. The shopkeeper recognized Raja and enquired about me also. I felt glad when I heard that. I always feel happy when I do my shopping in individual shops rather than in departmental stores and supermarkets. There is always the personal touch such as ‘Hello’ and ‘How are you?’ I truly belong to, and believe in old customs like these.

Raja was working with The New Paper, an afternoon paper brought out by the Straits Times group. So his working hours were from five in the morning to one in the afternoon. Raja had his day filled with his own  activities like playing tennis, going to pubs in the evenings to listen to  music  and dining out with friends.  But once every week he took me out for lunches and dinners and introduced me to Mexican and  Mediterranean,Chinese and  also Singapore delights. As days went by I became very confident in doing things on my own—taking a cab to Serangoon Road to shop for vegetables and provisions, travelling by bus to the British Council library to pick up books and C.Ds. I lost all my inhibitions and started enjoying my life in this new place.

One woman selling coconut - grated on the spot - always gave us odd looks when once in a while Raja came with me to do the shopping.  I did not understand why. The mystery was solved when my grandson came along with me once to Serangoon Road.  The coconut seller seeing Sriram, with me instead of Raja was awestruck at first, then asked pointing to Sriram, “New boyfriend?” I could not control my laughter when I told her that  he was my grandson and I also informed her that the gent who came with me  the other  times  was my son.

Scrabble!

Once in a while Raja brought home his friends from office either for breakfast (nine to nine-thirty am break for food)or  for dinner. I enjoyed cooking different dishes for them. I am sure they too relished my preparations. Many of Raja’s friends from India and other places used to stay with us when in Singapore or spend their free time at our place. Soon they befriended me too. I enjoyed playing Scrabble with them:I doubt if they enjoyed the game as much as I did for they found it rather difficult to beat me!

 While in Singapore I was exposed to new entertainments also, about which I had only read. Raja took me to concerts of  Ray Charles , to an opera and a Russian Ballet, all my firsts and I enjoyed them to the full. We made a trip to Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia, where we stayed for two days with one of Raja’s friends and did visit some famous places like the Batu caves, a famous Chinese Temple and the Botanical Gardens. From there we went to Penang - a beautiful island where we stayed for another two days in a beach-front hotel named Rasa Sayang. Though I have read about people sunning themselves with minimum clothes, I saw them for the first time here.

On the first evening while we were having our dinner our waiter brought one of the exhibits there, a Pallankuhzi  to our table asking me whether I knew what it was. Well, I told him it was a game played with either very tiny seashells or Manchadi and had to explain how it was played. That was one indoor game I used to play with my grandmother and mother when they had the time to relax. I remember I have played this game with my children too.

Another experience was riding on a cycle rickshaw, or trishaws as they are called there. The funny part of these trishaws was that the seat for the passengers was in the front while the rickshaw man would be behind us, pedalling the cycle. He pedalled so fast I felt we might fall on the road any minute.

Another place that got my attention was a street with a lot of shops selling grinding stones of both varieties like the ammi kozhavi (for grinding masalas and coconut and the other the attukal for grinding rice and dal for the dosai iddili dough.

Singapore holds a festive look with various types of decorations and illuminations during Diwali (Deepawali as they like to call it), the Ramzan month (which they Hari Raya) and the Christmas and New Year  periods. I was seeing this type of illuminations for the first time and I was totally flabbergasted .Thai poosam, a temple festival dedicated to Lord Murugan, is celebrated in this land on a very grand scale with every believer whether Indian or Malay or Chinese taking part in the procession of devotees  carrying Kavadis  and Palkudams .

I was totally captivated with whatever I came across in this city. And I feel I am at a loss of words to write more.

Mr. and Mrs.Narayanan

One family I befriended while there is the Narayanans. They were Raja’s upstairs neighbours.  From the very start Rani (Mrs. Narayanan) made it her responsibility to take care of me when Raja was out at work or with friends. Rani and Anu, eldest of her three daughters, and me became close friends and are in touch with each other now also. 

Anu and her family

I never thought that one could make friends after sixty and maintain that friendship for years. That way I am blessed for I have a good circle of friends who make me think that life at eighty is also worth living!!  

        

GAJENDRA MOKSHAM?

The above picture is taken from a link my son sent me recently. It reminds me of Gajendra Moksha which happened in a different yuga.  Maybe this crocodile , and yet another in a similar incident,  were some celestial figures who were cursed by some Rishis for their bad behaviour to remain as crocodiles till Lord Narayana appeared and gave them their original form.

The  story goes thus.

Once, Gajendra, the king of elephants was wandering in the forest with his herd. He felt very thirsty all of a sudden. After wandering for some distance the elephant herd came across an inviting pool of water. Gajendra entered the waters to appease his thirst.

A crocodile was lying low in the waters. The elephant was enjoying his drink without being aware of the crocodile .The crocodile, taking advantage of this, caught  one foot of the elephant between its teeth and refused to let go, however hard the elephant tried to free himself. Even after a long fight with the crocodile the elephant was not able to free his leg. In despair the elephant called out to Lord Narayana to save him. Lord Narayana came at once flying on His vahanam Garuda. He saved the elephant by killing the crocodile with His discus.

       

The story goes thus. As soon as the discus touched its body the crocodile got back its original form – that of the gandarva Huhu. He had been cursed by a sage for some misdeed.  With the Lord's blessing he went to Heaven. This was what the sage had also said, that the curse would be nullified when Lord Vishnu appeared before him.

The elephant, to show his gratitude, offered Lord Narayana a beautiful, sweet smelling Lotus from the lake. 

 The elephant, who was king Indrayumna in his previous janmam, had been cursed by a sage for being haughty and proud and that he would be  born as an elephant in the next birth,  and that he would be free of this curse when Lord Vishnu appeared before him.          .
 

Maybe the two crocodiles in the above mentioned news items are also waiting for their release from their earthly bonds!!

       

The two links are:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/8092390/Baby-elephant-attacked-by-crocodile.html

 http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/11/photogalleries/101111-elephants-crocodile-attack-ambush-africa-pictures/#/elephant-vs-alligator-fight-1_28154_600x450.jpg

DIWALI, FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS

Today my mind wanders   back to those days - my childhood days - the way my parents, no, my mother made preparations for this festive occasion. My father was a non - interfering person in the matter of running the household or how the festivals and other functions in our home were conducted. He left all these responsibilities to my mother. My mother was a very capable lady - a good cook a very cautious spender and one who believed in tradition and customs. We were a big family- four daughters and three sons. There used to be at least one or two cousins staying with us, either studying or on the lookout for proper jobs. Even with such a big family my mother was always particular that all festivals and functions like birthdays of each and every member of the family were conducted in the proper way. 

Diwali meant getting a new set of pavadai  (full skirt) and blouse  some times it turned out to be two sets for the younger  girls  and a pair of half pants and shirt for my two younger  brothers. Today’s youngsters and children will find it very difficult to believe that in those days everyone had only three or four sets of clothes. New clothes were bought only for Diwali and for birthdays. Also it meant lots of patakas and my mother’s Diwali special sweet. The grownups were given the freedom to buy what they needed or wanted. Word would be sent over to our tailor to come home as quickly as possible to take the measurements of every one of us, to find out how much material would be needed. We youngsters used to feel so important and full of pride when the tailor - yes I still remember his name, Hariharan - took our measurements. It was either my eldest sister or my big brother who shopped for the materials needed the same day. Next day the tailor was again called home to collect the materials. He would be given a deadline - a maximum of four days, to bring home the finished products. If by any chance this was delayed there would be a cut in his wages. Maybe he did not want a cut in his hard-earned wages. He was very prompt in delivering the goods. We  youngsters would be so anxious to wear and try our new  clothes, but our mother was very particular that the new clothes that we could wear them only after GANGA SNANAM—the ritual early morning bath on Diwali day.

Diwali meant a  lot of patakas- fireworks. In those days there was no ‘Made in Sivakasi’ fireworks. India was under the British rule and so belonged to the Commonwealth group of countries. India as a country did not manufacture anything. There were no industries, even our school notebooks, pencils, erasers - all of them were imported. As I said to someone the other day, we all grew up with foreign cars, French perfumes like Evening in Paris, Italian soaps, Swiss chocolates, Waterman and Parker fountain pens  and of course British authority.

So for Diwali we turned to China, the one country that really gave us the best crackers. Even today my feeling is they top the list.  Two days before Diwali my elder brother or my eldest Athimbar took the responsibility of buying the patakas while we youngsters  waited for them to come back home with the patakas.  I remember vividly one Diwali time of those days - my brother coming back from the market empty handed with the news that all the patakas were sold out by the time he reached the shop! Were we disappointed? Yes, to the pit of our stomachs. We ran to our mother for comfort and more for complaining. My mother led us back to the front veranda all the time smiling to herself. Then we knew that our brother was simply teasing us. A coolie was there with a big basket on his head and my brother helping him to unload the basket which was packed with all kinds of fireworks. Our joy was also brimming to the top of our hearts. No one will believe me today if I tell you that the whole basket full of patakas cost my brother only Rs. Five!!

The day before Diwali my mother would be very, very busy making the dough for iddli - a must in the Diwali day breakfast menu, the grinding too to be done manually. The sweet prepared in every household in our parents’ families on this occasion was OKKARAI* - laddus and jangiris were made only for weddings in the olden days Also there were no shops preparing and selling these items.

Come Diwali morning, my mother was the first to have her bath by three a.m. after which she would be busy waking up all children, apply oil on our head and giving us a quick bath. Then only we were allowed to wear our new clothes after which we were made to touch our parent’s feet to get their blessings. Then came the interesting  part of the day, bursting the patakas.

By seven in the morning breakfast also was served--- iddlis with coconut chutney (freshly ground on the grinding stone), paruppu (thuvar dal)vadai and the sweet Okkarai

Looking back I really wonder how my mother and many like her managed all this single-handed.

Today with all the modern gadgets and help from many sources life is much easier for the lady of the house. Ready-made clothes, sweets, why even ready-made iddli dough are all available in the market.  But there is one shortage in many households! And that is TIME. Precious time with women too working, working as hard as any man! Added to that in most families she is the one to do the shopping, cooking and taking care of the children’s needs. Blessed are the women  when the men understand the women’s problems and give them a helping hand.

HAPPY DIWALI

                              ---------------------------------------------------

*RECIPE for OKKARAI

One measure thuvar dal

Equal measure of jaggery

Equal measure of grated coconut

Two tablespoons of ghee

Cook the thuvar dal  in the pressure cooker. wait for one whistle, turn the gas low for 15 minutes. wait till the cooker is  well cooled and then only open it.   Grind the coconut well in the grinder then add the cooked dal and run the grinder for ten seconds. Melt the jaggery in a cup of water and strain to remove all the impurities. Boil the jaggery syrup, when it thickens add the dal coconut paste. Lower the flame and allow the mixture to thicken all the while stirring with a flat ladle. Add two table spoonfuls of ghee. Go on stirring till the mixture gets dry and turns to be powdery. Allow it to cool before serving. This sweet usually stays fresh for nearly a week.

    

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Recently on my post on Navarathri  a comment was left by someone called Mona. 

Here it is.

 Dear Maiji
Really love reading your blog, I am amazed at your creativity whether it is your golu or knitting things for your g. g child.
My question is: despite having a large family and all its requirements, you found time to do all these things in a unique way.
How did you prepare for it? How did you organize yourself so that everything went smoothly?
We have a lovely golu every yeat, but I am lost when it comes to preparing food or snacks for guests. I get overwhelmed. Any tips ? How must I plan this event so that it goes smoothly and I don't sacrifice time spent with family, or shortcuts because I concentrate on the golu and visitors.
Please help/ anticipating your response October 13, 2010

 Mona has asked me some questions  and I find it very difficult to reply to them. My memory also seems very reluctant to surface and help me. Certain things I remember very well - like my family helping me by making no undue demands on me during the Navarathri time In fact my family, including my husband's parents, used to help me in many ways.

Every year I used to plan well in advance what the theme would be. No details. And I also used to start my kolu work well in advance say ten to fourteen days before the actual date. Once I started, ideas just surfaced to my mind regarding how to do this or that. Accordingly I worked on. After finishing my routine work like

cooking, getting the children ready for school, seeing to the needs of the elders I was able to organise my kolu details. Also if I remember correctly, however much inconvenience was caused, my family just took it in their stride.

Mind you, in those days (I mean the period of my kolu days) there were no kitchen gadgets. And no gas cooking ranges. It was either kerosene oil stoves or firewood ovens .I was not opposed to heavy work as I always looked forward to the end rewards and results Getting up in the morning at five was not at all bothersome to me, and staying up late if there was some work to finish was not at a problem. Above all these, I had willing helpers in my children. I should not forget to give credit to my maid and the gardener too.

I do not remember anything more .It is more than thirty five years since I had my last kolu. My only regret is that there are no photographs of my beautiful and much appreciated kolus.

APPAN CHEYAL

Far back in my childhood this word Appan Cheyal was always linked with my name. I don’t remember how this started or why! All I remember is that my elder brother as well as my eldest ‘Athimbar’ (my eldest sister’s husband) had chosen the man with this nickname for me to marry.

This nickname belonged to one Mahadeva Iyer. He was related to my eldest sister by marriage. He was a widower and was very rich. He was the wealthiest person of that time, owning acres of agricultural land all over the area he belonged to. He was a very God-fearing man and with every breath used to utter these two words ‘Appan cheyal’ which meant ‘God’s will’. That is how he got the nickname.

He life style was like that of a zamindar, and as any zamindar of that era he was always well turned out with gold ‘Kadukkan’ (solid gold earrings), gold ‘kappu’ (solid gold bangle), a thick gold chain with a ‘Rudhraksham’ encased in gold round his neck and a walking stick with a solid silver handle. This description was given to me by my brother and brother-in-law telling me that he was the one chosen by them to be my husband, adding that he was not that old. His being sixty and me six the age difference was a mere zero, they teased. Here my memory does not help me so I cannot say how I reacted to this teasing.

By and by my brother started adding to this saying that our parents wouldn’t have to spend too much on my wedding. Appan cheyal being a rich man he would not demand anything from my father. But to send me to my in-laws’ place empty-handed would not be right, my brother added. So he would say that I would get as dowry my mother’s old silver, bronze and brass utensils, my mother’s equally old steel trunk, which was given to her on her marriage, and my parents’ old double cot – which had been pensioned off a few years back.

As I grew older I became aware of the teasing and its meaning. I started to resent it which only added to their teasing. My brother came out with a slogan repeating it whenever we came face to face. My sisters and even my mother enjoyed the slogan very much.

The slogan went like this

Engathu Lalithavuku kalyanam
Kottumelam kovililey
Avaravar athiley sappad
Vettilai pakku kadailey

 This meant
"Our Lalitha is getting married
The nagaswaram is played in the temple
Every one eats in his own home
And gets the betel leaves and nuts from the shop."

This teasing went on till I was ten years old, when my brother left home and went to Benares for higher studies.

Years passed and soon it was time for me to get married. It was my brother who went to Thrissur to meet my to be in laws and fix up everything with them Coming back from Thrissur he told me that he was sure that I would be very happy in the alliance.

Contrary to all the teasing my marriage was a grand affair with all the elite of our place attending the function. In those days a wedding was graded by two items, the nagaswara vidwan and the caterer. The nagaswaram was played by the then famous Ambalappuzha Brothers and the caterer was the famous Karamanai Appu.

Only one of my brother’s teasings came true. World War II had just ended before my wedding. There was a scarcity of many essential things. The availability of goods was also very rare and if available the prices were sky high. Because of this, I was given as my dowry the family’s silver and other utensils.

 And as my brother had told me I had a happy married life.