'THALAI DIWALI'

A Diwali rangoli, created by my granddaughters Parvati and Swati

This year’s Diwali was Danielle-Kartik’s Thalai Diwali, the Diwali they celebrate as a couple for the first time. I sent them a mail from which I quote two or three sentences:

“In those days – I am talking about 75 years back -- newly-married couples used to wait eagerly for Diwali, the reason being they had to wait a year or so to start living together as man and wife.

“The boy with his parents used to go his in-laws’ place to celebrate Diwali.  If they (I mean the newly-married couple) were lucky they would get a few moments to themselves, to hold each other’s hands and for some daring boys to steal a kiss or two!!”

Kartik and Danielle

 Thanking me, Danielle wrote back saying she enjoyed reading my mail, bursting out laughing when she read “steal one or two kisses”.

My parents

Well, life was indeed very different then. My parents got married when my mother was eight years old and my father 14 -- that was in 1902. They were together for 70-odd years, till 1972, when my father passed away. Through thick and thin, through ups and downs, through sadness and happiness they were together bringing up their seven children and settling them in life. They did not understand the word LOVE, for there was no such word in their dictionary, but they cared so much for each other in their own way. Both of them had shared their fears and anguish for each other with me.

My third sister , me and my eldest sister

My three elder sisters were married off when they were 12, 13 and 14, respectively. I was not even born when my eldest sister got married. She was older to me by 13 years. So I have no idea how her Thalai Diwali was celebrated. I was 10 years old when my second sister got married and went to her in-laws’ place within two-three months and was with her husband and his family to celebrate their first Diwali. Since they were living in the same city the whole family was invited for lunch and my sister and Athimbar were presented with new clothes.

With my second sister

Though we are Tamilians, we are third-generation families who have settled in Thiruvananthapuram (capital city of erstwhile Travancore state). We have been more influenced by the culture of Travancore and developed our own style of celebrating Diwali including the Thalai Diwali of newly-married couples.

When my third sister got married and moved over to Trichy with her husband before their first Diwali, gifts were sent to them.  I was in Delhi with my husband a month after my marriage. We were sent money to buy whatever we wanted. I was 17-plus when I got married in 1945 and that was regarded as rather late for a girl to be married off. When my 23-year-old niece’s marriage was put off till 1960 because she wanted to finish her graduation, so many comments were passed.

So customs and rituals were being changed to suit each family’s convenience and the times they lived in. 

Nowadays there are hardly any set rules and laws. That is only right. With each family having its members spread all over the world it is very difficult to stick to old rules. I feel each family should be given the freedom to celebrate the festivals as they choose to, in their own way. 

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Olan : A Dish to Remember

 
For lunch today, my daughter Gowri requested me to make to make Olan -- a Kerala side-dish to go with Mor-kootan. Mor-kootan was subsequently dropped from the menu and Gowri made her special “short way” sambar instead. (The way she makes it is so tasty and well-flavoured; we all enjoy it to the last drop.) Gowri also prepared a side-dish for Mohan since he had no liking for Olan. Having Olan for lunch brought back several memories, memories which led me to write this blog.

I suddenly remembered that day in Lakshmi Nivas in 1944. There was a Solar Eclipse on that day, the eclipse starting at 8am and ending at 11. My mother, who adhered to each and every rule prescribed in the sastras, was wondering how and what to cook well before the start of the eclipse. The sastras said that cooked food should not be exposed to daylight during the eclipse period. My father, after his retirement from service, had his lunch at 11 in the morning everyday, come rain, come shine. Well, my mother with suggestions from my father (which she never took seriously) got up much earlier than her usual time, had her bath (one never cooked a meal in those days without having taken a bath and changed into fresh clothes) and cooked the simplest of meals – but my father’s favourite one, Arachu kalaki and Olan.

The Olan I prepared today tasted exactly the same as the one my mother made that day for I have never forgotten that day or the taste of that Olan.

This also reminded me of certain food fads of my father, his likes and dislikes. He never had any liking for sambar -- or any curry with tamarind (pulli or imli), which he always referred as chappu-chavaru (mere junk). At the same time, he could not resist the temptation of tasting the sambar with his curd rice and later on putting the blame on my mother if the sambar upset his stomach even minutely. Even Prathamans, a sweet dish prepared with daliya (broken wheat or lentils such channa-dal or moongdal), he liked them with only jaggery and coconut milk, no chappu- chavaru like channa dal or daliya. He was a choosy eater but was willing to try any ideas which his fellow-Masons put into his head.

During my college days, when my mother visited her mother or my two elder sisters in town, it was my turn to prepare the sweet dish my father had for dessert, after having two light crispy dosais with chutney. This sweet, prepared with green gram jaggery and coconut, was also recommended by his friends in the ‘Lodge’.

The first time I visited my parents after my marriage, my father used to have two Masala-dosais and chutney for dinner. Every evening, without fail, my mother just peeled and cooked two potatoes and made the masala with onion, green chilies and ginger. When my parents visited us while we were in Pondicherry, my mother simply followed her routine to give my father his special dinner.

Watching her doing all this, even after she was past 65, my eyes used to fill with tears; such devotion and such loving care. Those were the days when there were no electrical kitchen gadgets and all the work was done manually. Grinding for dosai and idlis in a grinding stone was no easy task. Wherever they were, my mother always prepared my father’s dinner herself.

My mother pampered my father by indulging in fulfilling all his whims and fancies. Her home-made Appalams were appreciated and enjoyed by all in the family as well as our near and dear ones. But my father preferred the Pappadams sold in the grocery stored. He never liked them fried but roasted on a charcoal fire.

Coming back to Olan and our lunch today, Gowri served a spoonful to Mohan and asked him to taste it. Very reluctantly, he did so. He liked it and said that it was very different from what he had tasted before. What really surprised both Gowri and me was that Mohan asked for more Olan to eat with his curd rice. I was in fact gratified and my face broke out in smiles.

 
My recipe for Olan (for 4 people)

Pumpkin – green or red, ½ kg
Long Beans – 6-8
Potatoes – 2 medium-size ones
Green Chili – 4-5, cut lengthwise into four
Curry Leaves – 2 stalks
Milk extracted from half-a-coconut

Cut the pumpkin into one-inch square, about 1/8 inch thickness
Cut the long beans into one-inch long pieces
Peel and cut the potatoes into thin rounds
Cook the long beans in one cup of water. When they are half-cooked, add the pumpkin and potato pieces. Add salt when the vegetables are cooked. Then add the green chili and curry leaves. Allow it to boil once and remove from the fire. Add the coconut milk and serve.